I’m
doing better this morning. Surprisingly I am up early. I keep trying to sleep
at night, but only catching cat naps. I’ll be bringing it up in counseling
today. I know my normal counseling day is Thursday, but Thanksgiving has things
turned a little upside down. I also plan to bring up the stuff I wrote about
yesterday. I’m determined to work through my issues. I refuse to just ignore
and avoid them. I know now that tackling them head on is the best thing to do
for me. It’s taken some time to learn, but I am getting there slowly.
I
wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today, but as I am writing this I
am thinking it is going to be a bit of a reflection piece for the most part so
bear with me. It’s all kind of washing over me as I am writing this. It feels
weird in a way and in a way amazing. It’s a realization or in another way an
awakening of sorts. It makes me smile as I think about it. And look forward to
counseling more. Since I know I have come a long way, but I also know I have a
long way to go.
It’s
been 2 or 3 years I’m not sure exactly since I started counseling with my
current counselor. Back then I was a horrible housekeeper and ventured out of
the house maybe twice a month outside of appointments. And even when going out
for appointments came right home after them. I wasn’t eating that well then. I
was struggling a bit with school. I also had a hard time showing emotion fully.
I was locked up inside myself essentially. I had low confidence in myself. I
wasn’t taking control of my life at all as much as I wanted to. I was trying to
but I was missing pieces of the puzzle.
But
now I look back then and I see how far I’ve come in that time. I do a much
better job now at keeping the house clean. Though I still hate doing dishes. And
I am still working on doing better at cleaning when it
needs to be done. But I don’t have as much to clean now when cleaning needs to
be done. I am getting out a bit more than just when I have appointments. And after
appointments I am not in a rush to get home after them. I’m still reading a ton
and doing better at it than before. I’m writing on a regular basis better and
more as well. As for school I am getting work in on time on a consistent basis.
As well as getting ready to double up on classes finally. I’m also more
confident in myself thank to my friend Jeni and my counselor. I’m more easily
able to recognize and express my emotions as well. I also have taken my mask
off and set it aside so that I am just me all the time.
But
I have more work to do as well. I want to have a more flexible ability with my
sleep pattern. I want to be more diligent with the dishes even though I hate
doing them. As well as be better with cleaning when it needs to be done. I also
want to be better at getting out. Along with losing some weight would be nice.
Still working on that one. My weight keeps going up but my pants tell a
different story. Still trying to figure that one out. And I am going to be getting back into jeans
in December so that will be an adjustment as well. Plus, I am going to be
switching up my routine hopefully in December as well. Plus, I want to eat
better than I am right now. Mainly I want to experiment with recipes and see
what will work and taste good and what won’t. I’m slowly forming how I want my
life to be bit by bit.
But
I think I have rambled enough for one day. And it is night time now unlike
morning when I started out this post. I just wanted to make sure I covered as
much as I could in the post, so it took me a while. But as always feel free to
leave questions and comments below. And if you want my posts in your inbox
enter your email where it says follow by email. As for me I am going to go get
some more coffee and relax a bit before getting back to work on my mystery
projects. *Tips his hat and walks out the door heading towards the brewer. *
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