Listening To The Blues And Making Plans

            Yeah, I am still listening to them blues, but making plans for the house at the same time mostly. That and doing schoolwork mostly. Hopefully tomorrow I will be moving stuff around in my room. Partly because it needs to be for sharing a bed with someone, but it also has other benefits as well. For one in spring I can look at the plants outside my window when I wake up. For another it makes me take an active break from the computer to watch anything on the television of play video games.

            I am hoping to get a new system from Nintendo and a couple games for it as well as a couple of an older system at the very least coming up. If that happens might do some video game reviews on here. Thinking of that has me contemplating doing some computer game reviews as well. Even stuff like some of the Facebook games I play. I know I am planning a book review soon on Sylvia Stein’s new book, Diary of A Broken Father.  And, Sylvia if I got that wrong correct me in the comments please.

            Sylvia is like family to me, but she knows I will be honest in my reviews since she expects nothing less out of me. She is the same way with me. That is how we have built up such a good friendship and bond. That and being there for each other. She was one of the first to read this blog in fact. She helped me shape it up and polish it. Unfortunately, her family has come down with the flu, so if everyone could say a prayer for them it would be greatly appreciated.

            And, as far as me and gaming don’t worry I intend to keep up with my studies. I am also planning to have a gaming night at some point on Saturday nights. For tabletop gaming. It will probably start out with Magic: The Gathering, but evolve over time into other games as well. I have to teach my sister the card game first and then go from there. And, I know I have been more of an introvert lately. Especially because of winter. But, I am going to try and get out a couple times a week to see friends. Even if she does come back. She has to get to know my friends eventually. Because I know if I get going by their place and my place stays as good as now, which it won’t. It will be improving. But, they will start coming around more. It will still have some issues, but I will work to dela wth them as best as I can as they arise.

            I overdid it a bit with my walk last night since I had to take the long way home. Plus, there was some climbing snow banks as well. But, I will get the hang of it and do better. But, for the rest of this week I am sticking pretty close to home I think. Just in case. Someone have that drink for me that I am craving. I know to stay away from alcohol when I am depressed. The two just don’t go together well.

            I’m just going to keep writing every day and doing some work on other projects as well. I’ll see where it takes me and go from there. Plus, I have a ton of reading to do. Both academic and personal and spiritually. And, even with that I am asking God for answers even as I turn this all over to him. Asking him for her to come back. Asking for Him to bring her back. I even offered to give up all coffee including my Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee if he did.

            And, now it is just pretty much a waiting game. I hate the waiting game, so trying to lay plans and keep busy. It helps having a strong family around me to keep me going. And, that includes all the friends who rallied around me the other night. You are family like it or not.  And, it would be easy to just go back to who I was before her. But, I like who I was with her and am now. I just got to keep pushing forward even as it is hard.

            I refuse to submit, I refuse to tap out. Break every bone in my body I don’t care I will still become a better man like she was teaching me. I will rise above this pain and hurt. And, if it is meant to be I will have her back. My family did not raise a quitter and I am not going to start now. She knows me for purring, but now she can hear me roar my challenge to the world. It will not keep me down. I will rise with God’s help. I will rise with the help of those around me. Because damn it I am worth it and deserve it. And, I deserve her and want her as well, but she has to make that choice. I can’t force her.

            But, even she knows if she called for help I would come running with everything at my disposal. Call me a sucker if you will. But, I love her. If I am guilty of anything it is wearing my heart on my sleeve. I know what I want and need and she is it. And, she makes my heart flutter so. She makes it easier to strike to be better and inspires me to be better. I can still feel her lips on mine the day she left.

            But, while I wait to see what the Lord has in store for me I will be keeping busy the next few days more so than usual and writing here of course. And, probably sleeping a bit more than I was in recent weeks. Plus, of course listening to the blues. They are speaking to me hard tonight. Maybe I am a fool, but I was a happy fool and it was worth it. And, I would do it all over again if I kenw this was how it would turn out as I have said before. Still hoping it is not the end. Because damn that happiness is addictive.

            I mean I am happy at various times doing things or maybe it is just being content. But, with her here it was like being on cloud 9. I mean sure not all the time what relationship could last on a high like that. We both had issues we worked on together. But, a lot of the time it was just happy being together for me. I thought for her too, but apparently, there were more issues I didn’t know about, which if I had would have worked harder on.

            I’ve rambled on enough for one night though not sure how much sense I made tonight. Or would people consider it more this morning? Feel free to leave questions and comments and address that night or morning question if you do. As for me I am not quite sure what I am going to do next other than take meds. I might do some more writing or do some reading. *Tips his hat and walks out the door still hunched*.