Taking A Good Hard Look In The Mirror

            Well like I said yesterday I am taking a good hard look in the mirror today. I started by looking in the mirror physically tonight before dinner. I wasn’t happy with what I saw, mostly from hitting the wall the other night. I still want to lose more weight, so I am going to keep dieting like I have been as well as eating smaller portions. I know in the end I will lose the weight I want to, but it will take time and dedication. And, I am alright with that. Plus, I still get to eat a lot of the foods I like. I mainly limit my intake of processed foods along with eating more veggies. Especially when I want a snack. That and nuts.

            I still like my sweets, but I try to limit them to a point. I keep the chocolate in the fridge and eat it at leisure instead of all at once. I’m also trying to eat my feelings less. Putting them more into the blog and thinking of writing some poetry to help with emotions as well. I also am relaxing more and trying to loosen up a bit since stress can be a factor in weight gain and retention. I am working on dealing with things as they need to be dealt with and not worrying aka stressing as much. It’s a slow process, but I am making progress.  And, I am confident within a couple of years I will be someplace comfortable.

            On the other hand, I am still struggling with house cleaning. I mean part of it is I grew up with such strong women figures that did their own thing and ran the house as well. So, I am used to that and being in the supporting role I have to admit it. I can be there emotionally and even comforting physically and surprise with gifts here and there. But, I suck at running a house. Even as I am improving and getting better slowly at cleaning. I am still better in a supporting role as far as cleaning than I am in the leading role. I know whoever gets involved with me in the end will have to be a strong woman in the leadership sense as well as able to take a lead in household stuff. I will pop in to the kitchen no problem and work on learning new stuff. Just taking me time. I am still working on being able to use my new slow cooker. I am going to try and put the ingredients for chili on the grocery list for this month and make that as well as another recipe I have yet to select. Thinking something with chicken.

            Now just because I am being honest about what I need in a partner doesn’t mean I am a bad man. I am still a good man in many ways. I listen and give god massages. I also try to think of my other half when I go out getting stuff. I also try to make sure she has everything she wants on holidays and that does include her birthday. I work to make her feel included in the bond I have with my family. I talk to her a lot. Sometimes it has to be in writing since that is my best way to talk. So, I will send emails. Also despite my age I am still quite vital. I’ve also discovered I am an ambivert. Basically a mix of an introvert and an extrovert. Though I can go from one end to the other at different times and I do need someone that can work with that and enjoy fun in both ways. But, at the same time I know I am willing to put in the effort and work on loosening up and going with the flow.

            I know I have a lot of good qualities including my heart and mind and that I am cute (though not right now in my mind cause of injuries). But, let’s face it I have a lot of work to do, because I have no clue where I am going to find this dream woman. I had her, but she rejected me. And, that is with massages, flowers, chocolate, gifts, and doing my best to help with housework as well as working to step up above what I had been doing as well. Still heartbroken and knowing what I need and want, but not sure I will ever find it again.

            And, at the same time I am making provisions for being on my own the rest of my life as lonely as that might be. Though it leaves me to the one fear I have and that is dying alone. Call me selfish, but I want someone there to comfort me as I pass into the unknown. Even with all the faith I have it is still a bit scary to think about dying alone. Wondering if I have been a good enough person and done enough good. I was told I wouldn’t die alone, but that was by the same person that was supposed to be marrying me and then changed her mind.

            I also know I need to stay studying with the Mormons as well. It has made me a better person overall and stronger as well. I’m still a long way from baptism, but a little closer than I was last year in a sense. Now I am just defiant at times. I was a bit more defiant last year. As I read more I am more inspired and understand more. But, that is me. Everyone has their own path that they have to walk and I understand that. At the same time, I will not turn away anyone that wants to know more.

            I also know I am not the same person I was last year.  That is to say I have grown happier and stronger and wiser. As well as smarter. I know more of what I want and need in a life partner. I also know what I need to do to continue to grow as well. I have loosened up a bit and learned to have a bit more fun as well as study harder to get work done earlier though that is still a work in progress. I think I will come back in January with another hard look in the mirror and see what I see then as well as make it a yearly tradition. I know I am probably missing some things, but I will try to catch them when 2018 comes around, and hopefully they are improved by then if they are issues that need improving.

            But, I have rambled on enough for one day. Feel free to leave questions and comments below as always. As for me I have more studying to do. As well as some research for an upcoming article for Odyssey in a couple of weeks. *Tips his hat and walks out the door confidently*.

Finally It’s Monday

            Yes, it’s finally here, Monday! I have been waiting all weekend for Monday, and am so excited for it to be here. I still have to wait an hour for my mom to get here to give me a ride, but everything is going great so far. I am looking forward to getting my new system and getting the phone taken care of. I am also hoping to get some ice coffee soon. I also want to be able to get something good for lunch and something good for dinner tonight. But, we will see how everything pans out.

            A friend told me earlier in the day that they were doing a memoir for themselves that was a hard look in the mirror, and I think I might do that tomorrow here. Just hold the mirror up to myself and see what I see. I’m not sure what I will see, but I know I need to do it for me. I need to be honest with myself about where I stand with myself right now. And, then build from there. And, no matter how good or bad it is I will build. There is always room to build.

            But, for today I am going to enjoy myself. I am going to enjoy video games and eating good food and having good drink. We all need those good enjoyable days now and then free from commitments. Today is that day for me. I am still unsure of the third game I am going to get, but we will see. I am running numbers in my head even now as we speak as to how much can be spent and on what. I will have it all balanced out in my head when the time comes though.

            Just the adrenaline pumping in anticipation of getting started. I want to go go go. But, I am doing my best to wait patiently and writing this entry is helping. And, this is just the before part of it. I am still planning to write an aftermath of the day, maybe even in this same entry. Haven’t quite decided yet. But, it will be interesting. Of course, it will be some time after everything is done before I write it since I will be playing video games for a while.

            Well now it is Tuesday. I kind of got carried away with the games playing and needed a nap as well. I also have discovered that my sitting up in bed is part of my sleep apnea. Unfortunately, I discovered it the hard way. I put my head through the wall and had to have EMTs come and they informed me of it while checking me out. I look worse than it is though. All mostly superficial damage. Just really tender right now. I will get better in time though unfortunately I have to go out in public tomorrow. Something I am not looking forward to. But, it is one of those things to help me get better.

            I am having a blast with the Nintendo DS. All the games I got are great so far, but I am looking into them more in depth to get a better feel for them. But, they are enjoyable. I just want to make sure I get a full in depth feel for them before reviewing them. The researching is fun so far though. Some of them are more challenging than others I will admit. But, I like challenging puzzles to figure out. Maybe that would be a good day job for me as well. Just a thought. Maybe I will explore that more in another post.

            But, I have rambled enough for one day. Feel free to leave questions and comments as always. As for me I am going to play some more games and do some homework and then do some more writing. But, first going to deal with a little issue on the GameStop website and then scripture work. *Tips his hat and walks out the door*.

So What Makes Me Qualified To Review Video Games?

            I know everyone and their uncle seems to be reviewing stuff, and you’re wondering what makes me qualified to review video games. Well until I had taken a break from them I had played on every system since the Atari 2600. Any system that had come out I had tried at least a little bit. And yes, some were better for me than others. I will admit to not being a big Xbox fan. Just they don’t have what I am looking for normally. About the biggest thing, they have that I want to play is Halo. Other than that, not much excites me from them at the moment. I’ve seen a few titles, but they were also available on other systems who’s controls I preferred.

            When I first played PlayStation, it was cool. You had some great games that had a great one player game build for them and the multiplayer game was secondary.  Now it seems like all their games are built to be multiplayer games and if you are lucky there is a decent single player game in there. Don’t get me wrong I like the social aspect of gaming, but sometimes I just want to play by myself. I wat to slay the bad guy alone or try a level alone. Sure, if I need help it is nice to know I can call it in. But, let me at least have a shot at it first. I mean part of the fun of gaming is bragging about “your” high score or “your” fastest time. Not the team’s. I wouldn’t mind if there were some cooperative games and some competitive games out there. But, they all seem to be about forming teams and working together against others. Not just about the individual at all. Now I am all for team spirit, but there has to be some individualism at times as well. And, maybe it is just what I am seeing in my sister’s game playing style.

            Now to an old favorite and what I was raised on, Nintendo. I play other systems but keep coming back to this brand. They have the wide selection of games I like and come up with new ones. Plus, they have come out with a good multiplayer platform for their new systems while keeping a good single player game going from what I have seen. And, at the same time made some games for just multiplayer, but that can be played single player as well. I just enjoy Nintendo more than other brands overall, which is why I am starting with it in my video game reviews. That and hoping to make more fond memories while doing the research for it.

            After all my love of Nintendo began to form mainly with playing the Super Nintendo on rainy days huddled around the tv with friends and my mother. We’d all take turns even my mother passing the controllers around and attempting levels one after the other. Making jokes left and right. The living room was packed on those days. I miss it a lot and hoping to make memories like that with the systems I am planning to get. Starting with the Nintendo 3DS. Only time will tell though.

            And, I am sure I will make new friends with the games I play as well. I have already found some Facebook Friends that play some of the games I want to play. So, there will be new memories mixed with some nostalgia possibly. The sky is the limit for me. And, yes you can see I have some formed opinions already about systems, but I will approach each game open minded. I always try to do that as best as I can. If a game looks good to me I will try it. And, I will be experimenting with a few as well. Just to see if I might like them or if I am turned off by them. After all some of my favorite games were ones I took a chance on.

            But, I have rambled on enough for one day. Feel free to leave questions and comments below as always. Expect the first review sometime in the next two weeks. As for me I am off to do some reading and a bit of studying before turning in for the day. Man Monday can’t get here fast enough for me. *Tips his hat and walks out the door standing up straight and walking confidently*.