I’m getting used to the insomnia bug
that has me in its grip right now and keeping Vampire Hours. It’s not ideal but
it works for now where I am up a good portion of the day and sleeping as little
as possible. Though ideally I would prefer being up mostly during the day. But,
you take what Nature deals you sometimes. Eventually I will tame it, but that
is probably several years off. Luckily I am an online college student. So, I
can do my studies at any time of the day.
I spent most of yesterday reading through
headlines and email. Today before anyone is up it appears I will get the blog
out and finish off my school work for the week. At least that is my goal. I’m
moving at a steady pace adjust as the work load gets bigger or smaller. Some
may be moving faster than me and I applaud them for that. But I know I need to
move at my own pace or I am going to burn out or overload myself.
I’ll probably be picking up the pace
next week as I am easing into it this week and getting a feel for the classes.
Still not totally where I feel comfortable, but I feel pretty comfortable. And,
I am getting there just it’s a bit like settling into a new recliner. You have
to move around in it a bit and break it in some. Take a nap or two in it. Then
after a while it starts to feel comfortable and just right. I know it sounds
kind of weird but it is the best analogy I have off the top of my head.
Right in these classes with the
professors I have I feel challenged yet not overly challenged. I feel like I am
learning and expanding my mind, which to me is how it should me on any level of
education. In some classes in college I have felt like I was cruising along,
which felt like a cheat to the system where I am supposed to be learning
something. Most of my problem in those classes stemmed from grammar and lack of
wording things just right even though I had the thought in my head. Sometimes
it doesn’t come out right on paper.
But, that is the main thing I am
here in college to learn to do better. And, overall I have been improving. Even
as my mind wanders a lot. No matter what I am doing my mind tends to wander
after a while. It is a struggle to keep it focused. If you have ever talked to
me, you will notice I walk off on tangents and have to be redirected. I don’t
do it consciously my mind just makes a weird connection to the tangent and off
I go.
But, I keep trying to do better
despite that challenge. My whole life has been about overcoming things and this
is no different. I will get there it will just take time and effort. It might
even take help from prescription drugs from my Psychiatrist, and if that is the
case so be it. But, I won’t deny there is a problem. And, I will accept the
help offered to me and do the best I can not to let it become a crutch.
It can happen without one intending
it to though. It takes vigilance for it not to become one. And, sometimes I can
let it become a crutch, which is not what I want. So, I have to work on both
ends and that is ok with me. And, if I have been guilty of leaning on someone
as a crutch too much lately. I am sorry. Just know that I don’t form bonds
lightly and that they are treasured greatly by me once I form them.
Well, I’ve rambled on enough for one
day. I hope you enjoyed your visit to my little corner of the web. Feel free to
leave comments and questions below. And, if you want my columns to appear in
your inbox enter your email address in the box below where it say follow by
email. As for me it is off to finish that one last assignment for the week.
*Tips his hat and walks out the door. *
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