It’s been a hell of a night and day
so far. Had a nightmare last night. It was like something out of an Edgar Allen
Poe story. In it I was having a complete mental breakdown. I woke up freaked
out from it. I needed a couple of smokes just to calm down. I’ll definitely be
discussing this one with my counselor later today. Especially since I just
can’t seem to just shake it off like others I have had before. Most nightmares
I can just shake off. But not this one for some reason.
And on top of that I am having some
form of writer’s block when it comes to writing my report on Islam and
Hinduism. Every time I open the document and try to work on it the words come
out like clunky blocks that don’t feel like me. The words don’t feel like they
are flowing like water like when I normally write. Like a smooth flowing
stream. And I keep trying to figure out how to get them to work that way. But
nothing has seemed to work right yet.
Maybe the problem is my perspective
is tainted because I grew up with Muslims, so I see how it is a peaceful
religion here. And at the same time I find Hinduism fascinating in much of it’s
culture. Maybe it is just I am trying to write it too formal and should try
writing it more relaxed. And just get the report written and then go back and
put in the citations where I can. Seems to be what keeps beating me over the
head lately, and last night before I had the nightmare.
Plus, I really don’t want it to have
a dull or boring tone to it. I’d rather it sounds like something you would read
or see on National Geographic. I think in the end I may just have to do it my
way and accept the consequences. After all I have to be able to live with the
work I do. I have to be able to look at something with my name on it and be
proud of it as well as be able to defend it from critics. I don’t mean break
all the rules but just write it as I see best and go from there. I have to stop
stressing over the grade and start worrying more about whether or not it meets
my standards first and foremost.
And I know you are not supposed to
edit as you write a first draft. But even when I am writing the blog post in
the morning and sometimes a bit later I edit as I write so it comes out as I
want it to. It is just my style of writing. And as I sit here and think of those
two paragraphs I have written I know they are junk and that they have got to
go. And that I have to start over once more. I know not what any writer wants
to face or student for that matter. Especially on an overdue paper. But I have
to face the fact that it does not meet my standards at this point.
And meeting my standards is far more
important than what the professor thinks as I am writing the rough draft of
this paper. That part comes later. And to some this might sound weird but maybe
another writer will understand. But I think half my problem was I needed to sit
myself down and have this conversation with myself. Somehow as I have gone
further with this I feel more empowered and more confident that I can do it.
Call me crazy if you want but it works for me.
On a side note I have started the
journey to being tobacco free. I started Chantix this morning. So far it is
working fairly well, but the true test comes in three days when we have to stop
smoking altogether. But I am smoking less already. So wish me luck please. As
always feel free to leave your questions and comments below. And if you want my
posts to appear in your inbox enter your email in the box below where it says
follow by email. As for me I am off to write my paper. *Tips his hat and walks
out the door heading towards the study. *
No comments:
Post a Comment