Today is more of a personal reflection into me. And
somewhat of a letter to my counselor who is concerned by all the sessions I
have missed. And I won’t lie I have missed a lot lately from not feeling good.
But I don’t want to lose counseling, not by a small amount even. I know I need
to push myself harder to go even when I am not feeling well. And that is on me.
My case manager has offered to bring me to make sure I make appointments
thought they would have to be at a different time. And I am cool with that. Even
my mother would probably be willing to take me to appointments to make sure I
got what I needed.
And what is it I get from counseling you are probably
wondering? Well for one I get a place where I feel safe to let all my guards
down and just be completely open and vulnerable. Which is hard for me to do out
in public. I also am constantly making discoveries about me. Every week we meet
it seems I make a discovery about myself or go deeper into myself. Plus I leave
there feeling more upbeat than when I went in and feeling confident I can get
something done. And usually do when I get home. Plus I make teeny tiny steps of
progress towards being more independent as well. And usually I try to make it
out another day after that just from getting out that one day and making some
discoveries about myself. As well as having some external pressure applied to
me.
Plus with counseling I have been more and more been being
pushed towards getting out more, which I have been doing slowly. Though it is
taking time. I’m slowly getting there. My counselor combined with my friend,
Jeni, have been building up my confidence in me doing little things. Which has
helped me make progress over the past couple of years. I know it doesn’t seem
like it but it has. Before counseling I was a complete hermit, stuck inside all
the time for the most part. Since counseling I have been trying to get to the
library at least once a week though I don’t always succeed. I’m also getting
ready to subscribe to a movie pass that will help me get to the movies more
regularly. Plus I subscribed to a couple of boxes that might help me get back
into gaming again. Which will get me out of the house. Without counseling I
would not be anywhere near ready to take these steps. Nor would I be in college
right now.
Counseling has been a guiding force in my college career
as well as helping me keep from being too hard on myself. It is also a place
for reflection on what could have been done better and where things went wrong
and why. But always level handedly. My counselor always pushes me to be better
and do better. As well as to look deep inside of me and to be in touch with
myself, which I greatly appreciate. I know I tend to shy away from it at times
and she has to push me a bit to not do that. But I appreciate that.
And I know I need to show a better commitment to it and I
am willing to adjust the schedule to help make it so I get the help I need to
make my appointments better. I’ve had problems with appointments to other
providers in the past I admit. But I don’t want to end counseling by any
measure. I get so much out of it as I have said above. So hopefully when I go
into counseling again it won’t be for the last time.
Hope it all works out buddy. Take it one day at a time!
ReplyDelete