Tuesday Insights: It’s Been Rough Lately

            I know it’s been awhile since I posted and I’m sorry for that. But been having issues with my depression and epilepsy. I’m working with my doctors to get it under control as fast as possible so please just bear with me. Trust me it is just as if not more frustrating for me as it is for you. I love writing my daily columns for you and to be so ill as to not be able to is maddening for me. I’m trying my best to get a column out each day and today looks like a successful day. And on top of that I am behind in school and fighting to catch up.

            Hell I’ve barely read anything out of my textbook since the problems have started. I feel like I am floundering around right now in a big ocean. Some days I think I should just withdraw from my math class and try it again later because of all the issues I am having right now. But then that stubborn streak and pride streak flair up in me and I keep pushing along. Though starting to question if that is the right move or not. I’m just so frustrated with myself because I’ve gotten so far and yet still have problems in school. At times it brings me to tears. Makes me question if I am even ready for this. I know I have the brains for it, but do I have the skills for it is what I question at times.

            Maybe I am just burned out and need a vacation from school. If that is even allowed for an online student. I just hurt all over some days still. That isn’t so bad. It has actually gotten better with rest. Though my health isn’t getting any better with all this rest. I know I’m in a bad place but right now I see no exit that looks good and could use some help finding it, which hopefully my advisor will be able to help me with tomorrow. I think everyone has those lost moments, and it helps having someone you can turn to and go, help please.

            And it doesn’t help that I continuously feel like I am letting my family, friends, and most importantly my son down with how this term has gone. I feel like such a failure for not doing better with handling the work load. I could have taken a bad grade on papers no problem. Since I know math is my weak spot. But to be struggling to get papers in is even worse to me. Feels like I have been hold the crushing jaws open for so long and now they might just win and get to crush me. But yet I fight on wanting to beat them so badly.

            Like the title says it’s just been really rough lately. I’ll try to be more cheerful tomorrow. And please leave some words of encouragement in the comments section below. It is much appreciated in advance. For now I think I might doodle on some writing or read something lite. Maybe even play a game for a little bit to try and cheer up. *Tips his hat and walks out the door hanging his head as he goes.*