Monday Startup

    So I'm taking the week off other than Wednesday and Thursday to do some reflecting and thinking on life, which you will see here since I do my best thinking on paper. Some of it might be shocking, and some might be alarming but bear with me. I've got a lot to process over the next week and think about going forward.

    For one I was asked to think about a couple of questions. One being how do I neglect or abuse myself? The other being how do I see myself how do I see myself as not being worthy? Both have left me thinking a bit and with some answers but still searching for words to put it into perspective. Hopefully tomorrow I can start to answer them.

    And then when I do answer them I have to start building my life up in some form whether night owl or day time person or a mix of the two. But I know this I'm done letting my providers and family tell me what I have to be. I'm going to be me, and find my path in life. I'm going to do what I need to for myself.

    I know that sounds harsh, but all my life I've been bending over backwards to meet some higher authority just because they said bark. Well now I'm telling them they can kiss my ass. Life's not worth living if you can't be yourself and be happy and free. I might have to give up some of my ambitions for a while or forever along the way as I first imagined them but I can still accomplish what I wanted to with them in other ways.

    So for now I will leave you to do some thinking, and hopefully I don't come off sounding too crazy. I hope you have a good day or night depending on when you read this. Bye for now.

Throwback Thursday: Introduction

    Welcome to Throwback Thursday, this is a collection of stories that are memories from my life that will eventually make up my memoir. This week's entry is the introduction to my memoir and seems the best way to introduce the segment. So without further ado on with the show.

 

Introduction

    You'll have to pardon me please if this starts out a bit gruff, but as I sit down to right this introduction I'm a bit upset. And writing has always been an outlet for my emotions, so get ready to go on a journey with me as I give you an overview of my life so far. So that you know what some of what I've been through and some of what you might and might not see in this memoir.

    I keep hearing this younger generation say you don't know what it's like to go through what we do, we have it so rough. And to both sexes I want to scream Bitch Please. I was isolated till I was five and got to go to school, and then I was made fun of by almost all of my peers on the playground. Which led to me getting into fights everyday on the playground. You can guess where that led me to getting send to each day. I could see kids' houses right down the street from me and they were friendly to me on the bus, but I wasn't allowed to visit them. Every time I made any friends near me I was forbidden from seeing them for one imagined reason or another. I finally made friends, but could only see them on weekends and in the summer. Then I got to middle school and rebelled and got to see my friends all the time. I went back to where I was made fun of for high school after having had girlfriends and friends and some happy memories to discover people have changed.

    I end up having a good hard working academic start to high school, and being a good student. But still isolated socially at home. I get forced into a summer job, which turns out to be pretty good, and my social life ends up staying fairly strong. Then my school life tanks because I'm forced to work while going to school at the same time so I rebelled again. Which ends up helping me get the mental health services I needed, or at least started me getting them. Along the way I still had girlfriends and friends after rebelling and friends and memories before rebelling as well. I also ended up dropping out because of all the drama.

    As an adult I tried and tried to work but couldn't in the end. Though there are some interesting stories from the few months in those years that I could work. As well as stories along my road to getting disability and on my road to college as I was recovering. All through this I had the added challenge of epilepsy and going through four mentally abusive relationships. And if not for my amazing friends and workers I probably would not be here today. I would probably be dead I'll be honest, but I've had an amazing life so far in many regards and I look forward to sharing it with you. As for the majority of the younger generation saying they have it hard look at what I've been through bitches, top that!

Adventures In Cleaning: Inspection, Window Measuring, And Other Craziness

    So I know it's been awhile since I've had this column up and running full strength, but it's been a bit crazy over the past couple of weeks or so. Between school, me having emotional meltdowns, inspections, and windows having to be measured there has been little time to write it seems. Hopefully now that is going to change. The window measuring just happened yesterday so my sleeping pattern is a little thrown off still. But working on fixing that, though that might take a few days still.

    So with all this going on you're probably wondering how the cleaning is going. Well the kitchen counters have been staying fairly clean, but they could use a wipe down. Which will probably happen tomorrow night when I'm not so pressed for time. Plus I'm trying to get back on top of keeping up with the dishes. The bedroom floor is cleaned thanks to some help finishing it off. The pile of files has been chopped down and thrown into a box, but still have to be sorted. As well as filed, and now I have a potentially new filing cabinet in a drawer on my desk making it a bit more complicated in some ways.

    My new desk is together thanks to my friend, Tim, coming over and putting it together. A big thank you to him for that. And the desk has been mostly set up aside from the files, and being wired up for everything to be plugged in. That will get done in the next couple of days though. So making progress slowly, and if I get to do what I want with therapy I think it will help. So wish me luck. But I still have some chores to do before my writing meeting tonight so time is short, so I hope you enjoyed reading this and have a good night or day depending on when you're reading this. Bye for now.

Sometimes You Have To Open Old Wounds To Grow

    So for those of you who are on Facebook with me you already know I'm making a plan for a new form of therapy to help me heal, and calling it writing therapy. But some wounds won't heal without the scab being ripped off first. So as I sit hear examining who I've been through the years and who I am now. I'm seeing flashbacks and memories I'm not happy with and regrets.

    I've been a pretty shitty person in some ways in my past as I see it. Maybe I'm too hard on myself being an internal perfectionist, maybe not. I've done things I'm not proud of, been places in my mind I hope no one ever has to go. I've broken hearts that in retrospect were for stupid reasons when I was younger. I've been abused by ex-girlfriends as an adult mentally. I've felt like I wasn't worth anything. Hell I felt so lonely near one Christmas I tried to kill myself with alcohol. Trust me I paid for that.

    There are days where I just can't make myself want to get up. My body just feels like a ton of bricks. So I give in and sleep all day till evening. Sometimes the only thing that wakes me up is dinner. There are days when I want to go out, and I actually manage to find the energy and will power to do it on my own without any external motivation. But those are few and far between. Cleaning and filing are hard to get me to do in general without external motivation unless it involves organizing a bookshelf or computer files or an area I'm concerned about, but even that takes time.

    And yet somehow I keep trying and fighting. I keep trying to fit into the world as it wants me to. Keep trying to find love, Keep trying to figure out what's wrong with me and fix it. Including the light headedness I get every time I sit up or stand up. And sometimes I even wonder if this is karma for something I did at some point in time. Or just in general why all this bad stuff has happened to me.

    I just know I can't, and won't give up. And that I have the greatest friends in the world. And I do apologize for this not being a more cheerful post., but I've always been open with you, my readers, and I'm not about to start hiding from you now. Or ever. But I have to get back to my therapy planning, but you'll hear from me later or tomorrow at the latest. Bye for now.

Off To A Rough Start This Week

    So the week didn't get off to a great start with me screwing up on Monday Review, which will be retitled Review Monday starting next week. Just sounds catchier to me. And I missed Adventures In Cleaning because I was too busy bonding with my fellow writers. But today will be different. I'm awake and on top of things and still amped from Tuesday night, which I will get to don't worry. And next week my new desk arrives. It has been an awesome week so far overall, even if I messed up a bit.

    And Tuesday night put me on cloud nine. I got to hang out with Kory Shrum in google hangouts, it was amazing. It was the first time I got to hang out with a celebrity author in my lifetime. I mean I get to hangout with my writer friends some of who are becoming published authors now, but it's not the same as someone you've admired as an author from afar for a while. It's like getting to meet your favorite movie star for the first time for some or TV star. And then seeing how cool and down to Earth they are. It puts you right at ease and makes it so easy to talk to them. Talking with Kory has given me more confidence as a writer, as well as shown me a lot of us writers are a like in some ways. If you ever get the chance to meet her I recommend you take it. My only regret is not taking notes so I could better share how much of an amazing person she is.

    I'm also in the process of planning out my first Throwback Thursday post after the introductory post as well. I've also started a new short story that I'll reveal more about later in the week. And me and some of my fellow students are attempting to get a newsletter started at SNHU that is completely student run. I'm not the one behind it as the driving force, but I'm heavily involved. I'll keep you updated as it progresses, but if you are an SNHU Student and interested, go on Connect. Look up Student Newsletter and get involved I'd suggest. You have nothing to lose. As for those of you not at SNHU there is talk of making it available to those not attending the college but it's only talk so far nothing concrete yet. And the bigger news just by a smidge is that I'm starting to learn resumes and such to start planning to go into the working environment in some way or form. It will mean an adjustment to my schedule, but it can be done don't worry. Oh and with October coming up I'm preparing a special little treat for my fans, especially you Horror Movie fans. I'm getting together with some of my fellow writers, who also happen to have blogs and we are doing movie reviews of sorts on Horror Movies all through October. So get ready for some Horror to rock this page through October. Plus you will get to meet some of my very good fellow writers as I link you to their blogs as well.

    So as you can see I've set up a big dish of work for myself on top of school. So please if I miss a post or fail to reply to a comment right away bear with me please. I hope you are enjoying the blog overall though so far as it continues to take shape. I'm thankful to have all of you along for the ride with me. I hope you have a good day or night depending on when you read this. Bye for now.

Saturday Thoughts

    So it's been a rough week for the blog, but I plan to put up Story Friday just late. I'm looking for a writing prompt to commemorate 9/11 for this week's column. I'm also going to try and do some adjusting to my phone alarms so that I do better with the blog schedule.

I'm also adding a column on Thursdays that already exist in a sense. It will be my version of Throwback Thursday and will be pieces of my memoir as I assemble it. You my loyal readers will get the first look at it as it comes together, though the final product will be different in some ways. It will probably not be assembled the same way as the columns is published. I plan to publish the columns as they come to my mind not as they will necessarily appear in the book with the exception of the introduction of the book/column.

Also there are going to be days when there are double posts on here. One will be the column that is scheduled for that day, and then the other will be if something catches my mind. In those cases I will try to be brief, but sometimes I can't help but be long winded. I'm doing this because there have been a lot of current events that I have left out of my blog without saying anything to them, and I can't leave my voice silent any longer. Especially with election season coming up. So yes you can expect a ton of political posts, and for those not big on those type of posts bear with me. I'll try to balance it out with writing stuff and some humorous commentary on life if I can.

Another thought banging around in my head came to me as I was doing some of the reading for my weekly studies. Why is it we no longer have any magazines that run short stories on magazine stands in book stores or grocery stores? I mean seriously all I ever see is sports magazines, gun magazines, and home and garden magazines it seems. As well as news magazines I might add. Where are all the short story magazines that authors are always talking about that they used to write for? I mean there must be a few left in publication that they used to write for.

I mean I know that a lot of magazines have started offering digital editions along with their print editions and some have gone fully digital, but surely not every short story magazine is fully digital. The New Yorker can't be the only magazine left in the country that prints short stories. If so we're all in trouble since all they print is literary works. I want a magazine that prints science fiction and fantasy personally, and I'm sure there are other writers looking for other genres as well.

This gets me to thinking about something I could do for a career during college possibly, or maybe right out of college. I'd have to take a few classes for it and network with some people, and I'm not saying I'm going to do it. Just that it's an idea running around in my head. Looks like I'm making a trip to the library next week sometime, probably on Tuesday. And why do I have to go to the library you might ask? Well simple, at least in my mind. It's to see if there are any short story magazines left in print, since the library gets more magazines than you see on store shelves normally.

I just keep adding to the workload for my week next week. On top of the reboot of the blog as it's supposed to be going on schedule now I've got a research project plus school work. I swear in some ways I'm a workaholic like my dad. Go figure. I hope you've enjoyed reading this and have a good day or night depending on when you're reading this. Bye for now.

The English Of Politicians

    So I was doing my reading for Intro to Creative Writing, and the book starts talking about there being clutter in writing. Implying in general that there is clutter in the English Language. Now I'm not so sure I agree with this overall, but I will agree with it in the realm of politics at least. Other than that it's just variables on how people want to say things in my opinion.

    After all no two people say the same thing the same way. They each have their own unique way of saying it. And yes I get that the author wants the writer to use their tools to shape the best sentence possible, but to do that the writer must understand the differences in people's way of speaking and thinking in general. The writer must do that in such a way as to not lose their own voice at the same time as well, which can be a tricky accomplishment. I'm still mastering it myself as we speak. One thing I haven't lost though is my voice by far. I'm constantly speaking up and owning my opinions, unlike many politicians.

Yes I'm going there, right into the political theatre. Because they are the ones we see constantly on our TVs and in our newspapers using the English Language the most. There was a time when politicians actually used the word I and said exactly what they meant. Watching old tapes of campaigns and speeches I think it was right up till after Kennedy that the word I was used in this way. I could be mistaken though. Remember I'm a Creative Writing Major not a History Major.

    But they used to say I believe and then say exactly what they believed. Now we get so much double talk, it either means nothing or is almost impossible to figure out what they believe in. Unless of course you untangle it like an algebra equation. *Shivers at the thought of algebra* It's like some sort of art form they have among themselves. I swear we should make it its own official language called politicalese or something similar to that.

    I mean honestly why is it such a crime to have a belief in something now a days in politics. Why are people so against someone who stands for something. It seems like you have to double talk just to seem like you know what you are talking about. I think that being blunt and straightforward is a good thing. But every time a politician is this way they are called egomaniacs or liars or frauds, well you get the idea. And there are times they are in fact these things, but not every single time.

    Instead of a country that says what it believes in we have just become the country that says we are the best and if you don't believe it we'll beat you up and take your lunch money. No one says what they believe in anymore, and the ones who do are called crazy people or don't know what they are talking about. Even I'm guilty of doing this. We'll get more into that when I talk about my views on climate change at another time among other topics.

    On top of making money not a factor in campaigns we should make it so candidates have to state clearly where they stand on issues that are important to voters. None of this double talk, no technicalities with the vocabulary. Just plain cold hard truth about where they stand on the issues. It would clear up some things for voters in my eyes. But that might also lead to other problems as well possibly if voters get too personal with questions unless the law is written properly. Tell me what you think of all this in the comments below, I want to know your opinion. I hope you have enjoyed reading this and have a good night or day depending on when you're reading this. Bye for now.

Monday Review: Mockingjay

    Welcome to another edition of Monday Review, this week we're reviewing Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins which I read back in 2012. It's the third and concluding book in The Hunger Games Trilogy. Judging it from its outside you would think it to be just a small book along with all of The Hunger Games Trilogy books, but it's action packed as well as heartwarming and moving. Suzanne Collins keeps her characters from the first book from getting stale, making them grow even in this final book. And the characters that were introduced in the previous novel grow in leaps and bounds.

The story itself picks up mere months after Catching Fire ends, so there is no time lost really between the two novels. On top of that we are told what happens in that gap between the two books. It moves at a fairly swift pace taking twists and turns just as fast. It builds to a breathtaking crescendo before coming crashing down to the conclusion. Leaving everything wrapped up nicely, but still full of some surprises that you will have to read to find out.

Suzanne Collins has written a wonderful conclusion to her trilogy in my opinion. Bringing everything together marvelously. Some might not be happy with the ending, but it mirrors life well. It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. That is why my final verdict for this book is four out of five stars.

Story Friday: My Perfect Office

    Ok so I know I'm late again, and as I said Monday you can thank my sister. She gave me Pneumonia. I'll find an email for her somewhere among this clutter I'm working on cleaning up eventually. We will have "Cleaning Adventures" back again on time next Wednesday when I'm sure to be feeling a hell of a lot better and have something to show for it. Plus this week's prompt is not a picture prompt, it's a written one from a text book in one of my classes. It's from "The Practice Of Creative Writing" in my Intro To Creative Writing course. And without further ado on with the show.

Prompt: Describe your ideal office and how and when you would use it.

    

It was my normal time to go down to the basement level, where the office was, around 2:30 in the afternoon. I stepped on the elevator and pushed down for the basement floor as the doors closed dinging as they shut behind me. I had been up in the gaming room as usual relaxing, but it was time to work again. So I brought the laptop with me down to the office along with a huge cup of coffee. There would be time for games later. The elevator dinged as it opened up onto the basement level facing my office. I stepped off humming to myself the song from Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs as I walked into the office. I looked around at the wall to wall bookshelves seeing if anything was out of place as I walked towards the writing desk in the corner. Seeing everything as it should be I hooked up the external hard drive and the speakers cueing up the playlist for this afternoon.

As the music began to play I looked at my to do list for the day and tried to decide if I wanted to start out with some of my reading or my writing first. It was always a hard choice for me, even though I knew it was coming every day. I figured I'd do some reading as usual to help with the transition. I combed the shelves quickly and found one of the books I was reading currently then sat down in the reading chair in the opposite corner as the writing desk with my feet propped up.

After about a half hour of reading I finally felt ready to write, and put the book down on the side table by the reading chair for the time being. I pulled out my desk chair and sat down waking the laptop up. I signed back in and decided what to start on first. Usually it was my blog. I hammered away on that for a half hour to an hour writing it, and then proofreading it before publishing it. Then it was time to get down to the nitty gritty. As usual I had several projects going at once. I'd never been able to settle on just one at a time. So now I had to figure out which one I was going to work on today. Usually I just let my muse speak to me on this one. Though sometimes she can be stubborn on giving me an answer. Finally though I picked a project to work on.

I chiseled away at it for a good hour or two not seeming to notice the time going by as I did. After that I had to stop cause of lack of coffee. For some reason I always need coffee when I write, it somehow helps me write better. So I saved one last time for the day and backed up everything on the external hard drive. Then to relax before closing up the office I went back to the reading chair and picked up the book I was reading again. I read for at least a half hour to maybe an hour to try and relax my brain a bit. Then found a good stopping place usually at the end of a chapter. I put the book away and packed up the laptop and grabbed my empty coffee cup making my way to the elevator and headed for the kitchen to get something to drink. And maybe a snack while I'm at it, since my next stop was to the game room for a few games of pool. As I tried to leave my words locked in the office as the elevator doors dinged closed behind me.

Adventures In Cleaning: Week I Have No Clue

    So back with another week in Adventures In Cleaning, and I have no clue what week we're on. I've lost track between the weeks I've missed updating and the weeks I've been late updating. So far the only thing I've been having any luck keeping up with is dishes, and that is just barely. I still have a stack of files looking at me like The Eye Of Sauron. They just keep staring at me daring me to try and organize them. That is my goal of the day today, trying to organize them at least a little bit.

    My card table is still a mess, looking like a war zone. That I plan to tackle next week probably. My desk has so far stayed fairly neat. Though there are a few pieces of paper on it that need shredding. They will meet their doom later today when I get home. My bookshelves will get some redesigning later in the week. Nothing major just some decorations getting moved around is all.

    I've really got to start getting it together or this column is going to start being a casualty report of my lack of cleaning. Granted I was sick, but still I should have something to show for the weeks I've been gone from this column. Hopefully by next week I will have something to show in the form of progress. Well hopefully you enjoyed stopping and have a good day or night depending on when you are reading this. Bye for now.

Monday Review: Pale Demon

    So hopefully this week we can get back on schedule. I'm finally starting to feel a bit better. So this week I figured I would review "Pale Demon" by Kim Harrison since she has a new book coming out, which is sadly the end of this glorious series. So without further ado on with the review.

  I recently finished reading "Pale Demon" by Kim Harrison, and found it to be a page gripper. It builds on the previous novel like the rest of the series. It also shows more of The Hollows world drastically. Plus it's very fast moving.

    It starts out several months after "Black Magic Sanction" with Rachel preparing to go to The Coven's convention. But she gets denied her flight, and ends up trekking across the country by car with Trent, Ivy, and Jenks. She also ends up being labeled a Demon by The Coven, while Pierce gets to rejoin them. But she does begin to accept the fact that she is a Demon. Plus she ends up having to fight a Demon like her named Ku'Sox.

    Though while all of this is going on many other thing are happening as well. Such as us gaining more insight into Trent. As well as Jenks recovering more from his wife's death. Plus we see Ivy end her romantic interest in Rachel. And we see the future of the elves decided, and more.

    Kim Harrison does an excellent job enlarging the world she's created in this series. Showing more of how the world has truly changed. She also does an excellent job of building her characters more. She shows them all growing in their own individual ways. Overall it is a gripping novel that is sure to have you reading hours upon hours that is hard to put down. That is why my final verdict it is four stars.