Wednesday Coffee: This One Is For You Guys

            As for updates I wasn’t able to get any phone calls done today, so I have to rush around tomorrow like a chicken with my head cut off before counseling. I had a case of insomnia last night. It was so bad I almost made through an audio book on Hinduism. Research for a paper for school. But still I normally only make it through a few chapters of an audio book before falling asleep, and I made it through 8 out of 13 chapters. It blew me away. And then after that I ended up sleeping all day, which did not make me a happy camper.  But as I was starting out writing this I did get the chance to make a phone call and get some help with my cleaning issues. So my friend Morgana will be coming in a couple times a week and helping me get better at cleaning.

            But that is not why we are here today guys. We are here because I keep hearing from ladies who say their guys are closed off from them or things like they are too reserved. And I know from growing up in the 80s that us guys were conditioned to internalize our emotions. To just deal with them and not share or open up to anyone. Because it shows weakness we were taught. But they were wrong about it being wrong to open up. Yes, it makes us vulnerable, but we have to be willing to open up to people and be willing to be genuine to them about who we are. As well as what we have been through.          

            And yes some of us will even need to sit down with counselors to deal with the chaos that has come surround us from what we have been through. But we have to be willing to sit down and open that door and deal with it head on. I’m not saying it will be easy. I know from personal experience that it won’t be easy. But it is worth it and it takes a huge weight off your shoulders. And it allows you to find yourself and be you instead of just what you were taught to be. It is such a freeing experience in the end.

            I know you are going through that fear of what if she leaves me guys. But if you don’t open up and show everything she will leave anyways. Women like their guy to be open with them. Hiding in a closet internally isn’t good for a relationship and it isn’t good for you either guys. I know it is scary but I’ve been there and it is worth it. I’m not saying there isn’t a chance you’ll get hurt. But there is also a chance you will find a great woman and be in a great loving relationship as well.

            When I first started counseling I was a bit scared myself. But it turned out to be what I needed. Granted I also needed medication as well, but it wasn’t forced on me either. But the first step to figuring out if you even need counseling is opening up to someone. And I know that isn’t easy. But it is worth taking that step.  It leads to freedom and feeling truly like yourself as well as connecting to someone on another level. And that is a feeling that words cannot truly do justice to. But it is oh so glorious is about the best I can do. To me it is like intertwining two souls into one when it happens on the most intimate levels.

            Well there you have it guys that is what I have for advice for you. You can take it and be happier or keep going down the path you are going. And ladies you are not out of the woods yet. Friday I will be giving you my advice for you. It’s only fair after all. But for now feel free to leave your questions and comments below. And if you want my columns to appear in your inbox enter your email address in the box below where it says follow by email. As for me I am turning in early tonight to get an early start to the day tomorrow. *Tips his hat and walks out the door heading for the bedroom. *

Tuesday Coffee: Another Year Older

            Yes, today is my birthday, and once more I am a year older. So today is a bit of a reflecting day on the blog. After all it is good to sit back once a year and take a look at what you have accomplished, and what you need to work on. Called it a kind of long term sort of meditation if you will. I’m just trying to think of where to start the reflection of my year of 33. And as I sit back and think of it as well as the season we are in the best place to start is probably with family.

            I’ve gotten closer to my family over the past year. Both on my mom’s side and my dad’s side. I’m feeling more like I belong now. There is still work to be done don’t get me wrong. But we are off to a good start. Still working on dealing with my past in counseling but both sides of the family have been extremely supportive of it. Plus, it helps that my dad is getting better about having phone conversations. And I am getting better at talking about things that interest him while intertwining them with what I like. So we are finding a balance in the conversation. Before her knee surgery me and mom were finding a way to see each other weekly, which was nice. I think I’m going to suggest my counseling days be a workout day for us come the new year.

            I’m not blind to the fact that I need to lose a fair amount of weight. And mom wants to go to the gym. It would be a good way to spend time together. I think it doesn’t work with Tim trying to do it for me is because I am so used to sitting around watching television and playing video games with him for the most part. I mean sure we have gone for walks to places on a whim, but the only regular place we went was a convenience store at night to stock up for the day back during the days and nights of the YMCA. That doesn’t take away from him being like a brother to me or being a big help to me where I am right now. But I am starting to realize I have to do something, so he did get that message through to me finally.

            And I know I need to get my affairs in order as the saying goes. Not because there is anything wrong with me, but because you never know what could happen tomorrow. So that means I will be sitting up late tonight writing out some things. And calling tomorrow, technically now today, to schedule a meeting with a lawyer. Something I should have done years ago, but just kept putting off. I’m working on not putting things off so tomorrow will be a day of phone calls and planning it seems. I’ve been trying on my own but I am falling short. And I know I am falling short especially after Monday.

            So now I need to figure out what I have for resources at my disposal right now and supports and how I can lean on them to get to where I want to be. It sucks because I thought I was doing better but first step to getting better is admitting there is a problem. Second step is doing something about it. I have some ideas and they will require some phone calls to see if they are possible. So tomorrow I will make some phone calls before I do the blog to see if these things are possible and update you, my readers, on what is going on.

            But for now I have some writing that needs to be done in case something does happen to me. But before I get to it I have to take some time to think. Since essentially what I am going to write will be my final words for this lifetime. Not that I am dying tonight just that they will be the final words of mine read after I am gone and they won’t be read before then by anyone but me as I change them as life goes on. But feel free to leave questions and comments below. As always if you want my columns to appear in your inbox enter your email address in the box below where it says follow by email. As for me I am going to go get some soda and ponder what I want my last words to be. *Tips his hat and walks out the door heading towards the kitchen.*

Sunday Chit Chat: Been A Rough Week Getting Back Into The Groove Of Things

            I’m just laying here sipping my coffee and thinking about the past week. Just from my personal perspective. If I get into the bigger picture, I will start ranting and I don’t want to do that on a Sunday. And for me personally it’s been a rough week. I’ve tried to get back into my groove no problem, but it just isn’t clicking yet. Not to mention a close friend of mine’s mother fell down the stairs and got hurt badly. So I have been worried about them and praying for them. And the sleepy days are hitting again, but hopefully they are gone next week.

            Seems like this always happens to me at the start of a new term. I end an old term firing on all cylinders and then enter a new term stumbling yet again. I can’t seem to figure out why that is. The good news is I am starting to connect classes together. And that helps make it easier for me as well. Though I’m still not where I want to be. I’ve gotten better, but just not to where I want to be. I guess it is going to take some more work to get there. Maybe it is me holding myself back. Maybe when I want to go all out I should just do it. Might get more work done that way.  

            I mean I know I have energy fluctuations. Essentially highs and lows. So why not get as far ahead as I can when the high is in effect. That way when the low hits I can coast a bit. Then when the high hits I can go full speed again. Just right now I could use a bit of high energy to get me off the ground and ahead of the game. That also means there will be days I can’t be out in the living room, since when I am out there I am more wrapped up in the television then doing any sort of work. But to get ahead you have to sacrifice some luxuries at least some of the time to get things done. I’m slowly learning that. And it is getting easier.

            Still a matter of finding balance between the two worlds, but I will find the right balance in time. I’m becoming a workaholic like my dad, but it is because I enjoy what I am doing so much. It starts to give me insight into why he is such a workaholic. And he is starting to find that balance slowly. Just taking him a bit of time. Hopefully we both will find the balance at the same time. Would mean we get to spend more time together and not be trying to juggle each other’s work schedules around. But the good thing is I am starting to understand my dad better.

            As I think about tomorrow I am encouraged. I’m having a coffee meeting with my case manager. Then home since nothing else planned for the day. So you should hear from me relatively early in the day tomorrow. I might be able to squeeze in a double post, but not guaranteeing anything. I do have some chores to do around the house after all. And I am not about to fall behind in my studies either. But we will see. As I said above thinking about tomorrow I am encouraged. It will probably be early afternoon before the blog is up because of when the meeting is. Just that way I can digest the meeting and have something to say for sure in the blog.

            As if that would be a problem when I always get so long winded. I had better wrap this up before I go on into oblivion. Feel free to leave questions and comments below. And if you want my posts to appear in your inbox enter your email address below where it says follow by email. As for me I am going to grab a snack before I get to work on my next project for the day. *Tips his hat and walks out the door heading for the kitchen. *